Part 2 – Blood Stains In The Moonlight…

21 03 2007

Pain. The remedy of extreme happiness. Happiness can be addictive, even more than ecstasy, usurping all sense of logicality; Overwhelming one’s mind till the utter destruction of the rationale. Pessimistic you might say? Maybe. Just try to compare happiness with a drug… any drug… He always used to ponder on that question till late past his bedtime, confessing his deepest sins to the moon. And the moonlight never questioned his thoughts. On the contrary, the heavens seem to be the most sincere ally he could ever find.

Pain, it might seem, only exists to reveal the importance of those small moments of pleasure. But now it had opened a whole new dimension as he laid there amongst the pebbles and stones, the cold blistering water washing away all that was left of him. It was not the end. Not yet… and the pain pounding inside his head only made him realise his failure. He held his eyes closed, fearing what he might see. Fear and pain. The worst combination ever.

Seconds drifted by like hours. They say that death makes you see images of a lifetime. He could see the same never ending panorama rushing in his mind… Was it his impending doom, or merely a self preserving mechanism to forget the excruciating pain? Somewhere he knew that the moon was high above, like a faithful friend, radiating him with its light as if to soothe out the pain. As weird as it might seem, he could feel the moonlight, he could feel its warmth… like on those long nights he spent crying on his rooftop, seeking shelter beneath the stars.

He would stay there for long hours, looking helplessly at the dark sky, hoping that somewhere, up there, amongst the stars, was his guardian angel, looking after him. He would talk to him, share his hopes and dreams, and that would always make him feel better. Some would say its just because he’s still a child deep inside.

He liked being the way he was. He saw many things others never dared to see, and yet he found refuge in his inner child. He knew, for some, he would always be like a child who would never grow up. Someone who lives in a world of his own. Part of it might be true. But he would rather say that others don’t see the true side of life.

He could see through others and yet preferred to feign ignorance. People always despise those who can see their true identity. ‘Cause each of them try to recreate an envelop for which they want to be known. Its like the game we used to play at the age of 5. Most of those games exist only to prove one single thing: “mine is better than yours”. And although the rules and platform might be different, people all around him still play games everyday. So in what way are they superior?

They believed he was just another ignorant, immature, kid. And he preferred things to remain that way… Cause the more you pretend to be blind, the more others open up to you. Thats one among the many reasons why he felt better off alone. In a paradoxical way, he felt less lonely, when he was there, all by himself, looking at the heavens.

Pain added to all the confusion and havoc in his mind, leaving him in a hallucinative state. He wished that he would awake from this nightmare that sucked him in and was pulling him deeper. Then gradually… he felt nothing… no pain… no confusion… he just drifted away to somewhere he yet had to discover.

Pleasure and pain… Is that what all life is ?




4 responses

21 03 2007

“Pleasure and pain… Is that what all life is ?”

it aint the only things life is made up of nit.. but its true many things revolve around these two..

very often we tend to sit back n think .. but it mostly in times wen u down .. and sad.. those r moments where we tend to ponder on things around us.. on life..
des fois lost in da bliss of joy n happiness. we kind of are so ..engross in there.. we dnt realy think abt it.. but wen we do stop very often its coz theres smthing on our mind.. theres smthing that aint going right.. we then try to get a meaning for the Y of these hapenings..

life aint gona b bliss all way through and its so damn true all u said.. coz .. wen u got smthing we dnt see the realy pleasure of it ..its wen u lost it.. or its so far away do we realy stand and stop.. and think back.. and then say
hell .. where da hell.. do i stand… wats all these hapening.. y aint it like before.. but then the before aint there.. coz its now .. and this now.. wnt be here as well .. coz it will b gone..

guess there r points in life where we all stand and think of how we were , what weve been through ek wehre we now stand..
of our dreams.. of ourselves.. how we got lost and entangled in this vicious cycle around us.. somtimes forgeting the very essence of our dreams.. and wat we really wanted..

mais c les zhose de lavie .. all things got a reason to be .. or so i do think n beleive.. there r things that gona happen n u just dnt have any answer to the y , wat, how , or wen.. its just beyond ur means.. and all u can surely do is think…
think abt it all.. and ponder on them.. yet .. there are mere thoughts.. that rotate around.. and keep u busy .. and keep u awake ..
for since u think.. means .. u know theres smthing somewhere that aint right,,, 😉

22 03 2007

Ungrown infants we are, both of us at least, judging by the response of others towards us… Man ur so immature and so imperfect that in the end, life murmur in your ears: “U’ve done the right choice, be yourself, live your life like the ones who are always discovering something new, welcoming every breath of air, every little hurt and everything else! Be lonely and u’ll be gratified…”

When am lost and lonely, there is always a red house with whom i converse, with whom I tell all my pain & the red house stays there looking at me and accept everything I say. Without a judging face, a heart tearing sarcastic word, without a sigh of annoyment…

I just don’t know where I am, if am the right track, with nothing to compare me to or someone to compare me with my old self… But what am sure about is my love for you my brother, I know, its true I miss you, your genuine you!!!

and strangely… I feel more anguished! *mang*

Great work…

23 03 2007

The dichotomies of life..pleasure/happiness/ versus pain/esctasy…. somehow she can’t separate any of those….feels that one is senseless without the other… needs the pain as much as the happiness….

Maybe he’s not pessimistic …maybe just in need of light as much as darkness…
Moon …stars….clouds…light….dullness…heaven…barely hell….fire..death…all one and same.

Notice how they glitter… Stars…like an I.O.U….
How the winds call to u ….then frighten u just a little…
and embrace u when you start shivering…
maybe he’s one of the chosen ones … like one child of nature…like one eternel child…always getting hurt…never failing to stand up…crying…barely heard…barely wanting to be heard….

How gross to watch what he never asked for…and even grosser to see what his mind and soul commands ….

She thinks a little …. but guess wat? a little too much…. it starts pounding… no moon today…rain..thunder…loneliness..pain… if only she could have a roof of her own …. with stars of her own…here nothing belongs to her…alien to death…to the past….to wat could be….to wat is….yet she smiles…

He says he’s helpless…. he says he sometimes cries…. he says he hides….

she says she angers… she says she cries… she says she pulls away the truth…

Refuge in the endless child we are … yet…. world’s apart…. dimensions away… thoughts deviently extremes …so different…. so alike in one tiny breach …. out in a million…. they might have the moon in common … maybe…that could even be an assumption….

A world of his own…his secret island….his secret hides…his memory loss…his confusion….his apathy…his happiness..his tears…his loneliness….

Hush hush….better days might come …yet….

Pleasure and pain….she wonders too… is that all we’ve got?

28 03 2007

dats my favorite!!!
keep up the gud work!!! 🙂

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